Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
