We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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