I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
