so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need a beard to bite.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
