I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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