Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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