totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize