I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
