My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize