I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
