i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize