they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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