hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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