I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
