How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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