if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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