it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
