Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
