I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
