you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
