I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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