Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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