This girl is more easily done than said...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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