I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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