he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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