While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
