Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
