They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
