so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
