I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
