im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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