hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
