im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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