A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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