She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
