Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
