that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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