just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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