your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
