It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
