my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
