But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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