i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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