He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
