My liver just broke up with me...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
