she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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