she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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