He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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