Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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