My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
