the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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