haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
