I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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