that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
