That's when you crack a 10am beer
is wine microwaveable?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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