Her vagina should come with caution tape.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
