ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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