be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
