Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
