Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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