Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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