I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
