so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
