i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
