I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have aggressive nipples.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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