apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
