Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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